


A Reflection Of Who I Am And What Will Be

by writetherest



Category: The Devil Wears Prada
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 06:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writetherest/pseuds/writetherest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Andy was my mom, for the past nine years.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Reflection Of Who I Am And What Will Be

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Pile of Stuff Ficathon prompt: Martina McBride's 'In My Daughter's Eyes'. Title taken from the same song.

_In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero,_   
_I am strong and wise and I know no fear_   
_But the truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me,_   
_I see who I wanna be in my daughter's eyes_

It had been a bad day. A really bad day. Taking up the crime beat at the paper had seemed at the time like a good idea. She got along well with the police officers and was often the first and only reporter they called. She'd gotten tougher over the months she'd been working it, had gotten used to seeing the violence and carnage that was so often sensationalized across the headlines. It wasn't that she was becoming desensitized, just that she was learning better to deal with what she saw each day.

But today had been bad. A domestic violence call that had turned into a hostage situation with a little girl in the house. She'd been helpless to do anything but stand with the officers and watch as they tried to talk the man down. Eventually he'd come out, dragging his wife along with him. In front of all of them, he'd shot her and then started to fire on the police in a suicide by police attempt. She'd been shoved to the ground when the bullets had started erupting, but even from there, she could clearly see the little girl in the doorway, sobbing and clutching a teddy bear, as she watched first her mother and then her father fall to the ground, blood pouring out of them. The little girl had raced forward (and Andy's heart still sped as she thought about how close bullets had come to hitting her) dropping down beside her mother, hugging her and crying.

And although it wasn't her job, Andy had been the one to pick up the little girl and hold her while she cried as her parents were taken away in black bags.

The little girl was safe with her grandparents now, although Andy was sure she would be forever traumatized by what she had seen, and a story was just waiting to be written. However, Andy knew it would have to wait. She couldn't do it tonight.

She was exhausted and an emotional mess when she stumbled through the door of the townhouse. It was still early by Miranda's standards, and Andy knew that she wouldn't be home yet. Which was probably a good thing, because when she saw the blood stains on Andy's Chanel blouse, she was sure to demand Andy quit her job once and for all.

She trudged up the stairs, feeling more and more drained with each step, but when she reached the second floor landing, the sound of feet running caught her attention.

"Andy! You're home!" Cassidy and Caroline greeted her happily with hugs, and she held them tightly for a few extra seconds before releasing them.

"Woah! Is that blood, Andy?"

"Are you hurt?"

"What happened?"

"Does Mom know?"

The questions came in rapid fire succession and Andy couldn't keep straight who was talking. "I'm fine. It was just… a long day at work."

"What happened?" Cassidy repeated, slow enough this time that Andy could tell it was her.

She gave a very brief, very abridged version of the happenings of the day to the twins, and all the while their eyes grew bigger.

"Wow. Andy, you're so brave." Caroline said with something akin to awe in her voice after she was finished speaking.

Andy nearly started to cry. Of all the things that she thought she was, brave was certainly not one of them. Not after today.

"You're a hero." Cassidy said solemnly.

"I didn't – girls, I didn't do anything. I was just there reporting."

"Yes you did, Andy. You helped that little girl. And that makes you a hero." Cassidy insisted and Caroline nodded profusely beside her. Andy felt tears well up in her eyes. She pulled both girls close.

"I love you guys."

"We love you too, Andy." They smiled, their eyes full of love and admiration when they looked at her.

And Andy knew that they had rescued her from an evening of despair.

**

_It's hanging on when your heart has had enough_   
_It's giving more when you feel like giving up_   
_I've seen the light_   
_It's in my daughter's eyes_

It had been a bad fight. A really bad fight. Fighting with Miranda had become, if not common place, then at least normal. They were both stubborn and had tempers that often flared. Andy was usually the one who backed down in the end, although Miranda had learned to do her fair share of compromising in this relationship as well. Normally, no matter how bad the fight started off, they were making up in no time flat.

But today's fight had been a bad one. The worst one, actually. It had ended with Miranda telling Andy to get out of the townhouse, and Andy had done just that.

She hadn't gotten past the front steps of the townhouse, but she had gotten out at least.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting there when the front door opened and she heard twin footsteps. She looked up and could see that both the girls had been crying, their eyes red-rimmed and wide.

"Andy?" Cassidy's voice trembled. Andy held out her arms and the girl flew into them. "You can't leave. She didn't mean it. Please, don't leave."

"I think that she did mean it this time, Cass." Andy whispered.

"She didn't. You know how she can be, Andy. But she doesn't want you gone. She'd be lost without you." Caroline assured.

"You just need to come back in and…"

"Apologize." Andy sighed. "I always apologize, girls. Even when I shouldn't."

"We know." Cassidy told her. "But you know that she doesn't know how to… she isn't good at apologizing."

Tears slipped down Andy's cheeks. "I love your mother, more than just about anything. But there comes a time when it is just too much. When it just hurts too much. And tonight… tonight just hurts too much. My heart's had too much."

"Please don't give up on her, Andy." Caroline nearly begged.

"Please don't give up on us."

And looking into their eyes, she could see their very real fear, not only of her leaving their mother, but of her leaving them. "I don't want to. The last thing that I want is to leave your mother or you guys. You know that I love the three of you more than anything. But I don't know if I can go back in there tonight." She admitted.

Cassidy stood up and held out her hand. "We'll help you."

Caroline's hand was soon stretched out as well. Andy took them both and allowed them to pull her up to a standing position.

She walked back into the townhouse between the twins, her hands held securely by each of them. They would help her to not give up. Because they couldn't afford it if she did.

When they reached the foyer of the house, it was to see Miranda coming down the stairs. She stopped short upon seeing Andy standing between her daughters. "I thought you had left." Her voice remained neutral, but the girls could see that her eyes too were red from crying. They hoped Andy could see it too.

"I did." Andy replied. "I got as far as the front step." Her voice cracked just slightly, and she had to swallow back tears before she could continue speaking. "But if you still want me gone…" The twins squeezed hard on her hands, not allowing her to move.

"No. I do not wish for you to leave, Andrea. I – I should not have said such a thing."

The tears fell earnestly. "Well, that's good. Because I don't want to leave. Ever." Andy spoke through the tears.

Finally the girls released her hands, so that she could embrace Miranda. Andy cried against her neck for a few moments, and they watched as their mother whispered into her hair. They couldn't tell what she said, but they hoped it was an apology. The figured it probably wasn't though. But whatever it was, it was enough for Andy, because she pulled away and kissed their mother quite thoroughly. Normally, this would've been a sight that would've caused moans of disproval, but not today.

Instead, when Andy turned back to them, she saw that their eyes were lit up from the huge smiles on their faces.

**

_When I'm gone I hope you'll see_   
_How happy she made me_   
_For I'll be there_   
_In my daughter's eyes_

Caroline stood at the pulpit, looking out over the huge crowd that had gathered. She swallowed hard, three times, and took a deep breath, just as Andy had always instructed her to do when she was practicing for speech class. She looked at her mother and sister, sitting in the front row, seeing the empty place beside her mother, the place that hadn't been empty for years.

"Andy was –" she started, but tears slid down her cheeks and she had to stop to collect herself, to speak over the lump in her throat.

She started again, going in a different direction this time. "When I was 14, I met Andy for the first time. She was my mother's new assistant and my sister and I, being the brats that we were at 14, played a trick on her. It was a trick that resulted in us getting the unpublished Harry Potter manuscript, something which I still to this day don't know how she did, and that almost got her fired.

But it wasn't until we were 15 that Andy really came fully into our lives, when she started dating our mother. Cass and I were shocked, of course, that our mother was dating a woman, first of all, and that that woman used to be her assistant… well, it was kind of mind blowing. We were determined to hate Andy." Tears slipped down her cheeks steadily.

"Our determination lasted for about a week. That was all the time that it took for Andy to work her way into our hearts. She was fun and smart and she made our mother smile and we got to eat dessert when she was around. What wasn't to love? Cass and I couldn't find anything. Oh sure, she had annoying habits, and sometimes she did things that were embarrassing but… she was amazing. And we loved her." Caroline pulled in a shaky breath. "Love. We love her."

More breaths were taken in before Caroline could continue. "When their relationship came out in the press, it was a huge explosion. Some pretty horrible things were said about Andy, things that really got to her, although she'd never show it to us. She was always all smiles, always positive. She always said that it was worth it to be with us, to be in our lives. That she could withstand anything, as long as she got to come home to us at the end of the day. And even though we didn't always show it, and certainly didn't always say it as much as she did, we felt the exact same way about her."

Now Caroline took in three more deep breaths, before starting again where she had originally tried to start. "Andy was my mom, for the past nine years. She didn't give birth to me, or to my sister, but she _was_ our mother. She loved us. She took care of us when we were sick. She held us when we cried and she interrogated our dates before we went out. She took us shopping for prom dresses and cheered the loudest at our soccer games. She helped us with our homework and she took us to concerts. She was there for every important event, a camera always in her hands. And she would tell anyone who asked, heck, anyone who didn't ask, that we were her daughters.

People were often cruel about that topic. Even people that Andy loved. They told her that she wasn't really our mother, would never truly be our mother. Other people told her it was horrible, what she was subjecting us to. The depravity that she was subjecting us to. Those people were wrong. Andy showed us what love and family were all about. She saved our family. She made us a family. She was my mother and I _am_ her daughter. And even now that she's gone, nothing will ever change that.

Andy taught me about life and love and family. She taught me about using my words to express myself and about always giving voice to those who don't have it. Today, she doesn't have a voice. But I say to you what I know she would say if she were here – love each other. Love each other, be happy, and worry about the rest later."

Caroline stepped down from the pulpit and walked to the casket, pressing her fingers to her lips and then to the smooth lid. "I love you, Mom," she murmured, before taking a seat next to her sister.

The rest of the funeral and the burial was a blur of tears. It wasn't until the reception when things started to become clear again. When her eyes locked on to Nate, things felt real. Although their relationship had ended on a bad note, after the revelation in the press, Nate had become Andy's closest ally. Their friendship and grown and matured and Nate had somehow become a permanent fixture in their life.

"What you said was beautiful, Caroline." He told her, hugging her.

"You too."

He pulled back and put his hands on her face. "You summed her up so much better than anyone else ever could. You talked about her as a mother. And that was what she identified herself as. Caroline and Cassidy's mother."

"I miss her so much." She mumbled.

"I know you do. I do too. But you know what?"

She pulled back and looked at him. "Hmm?"

"I still see her. Every time I look at you, when I look in your eyes, I see her. You may not have been hers biologically, but she's right there, staring back at me, from you and your sister. You two and your mother, you made her happier than she'd ever been. And I see that light that I always saw in her eyes, in yours. Even now."

"He is right, you know." Miranda spoke, coming up behind them with Cassidy beside her. "You are Andrea's daughters, just as much as you are mine. And when I look at you, I too see her reflected back. All the good parts of you, she had a hand in fostering. And there she is, always. In your eyes."

It would never make it better, but it did lessen the blow just slightly. They were Andy's daughters. And they would make sure that she was always there, in their eyes.  



End file.
